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| Hoooooo Doggy! We dun had a good time. We wuz happier than a hen in a whorehouse… or… ummm.. a frog in an asskicking contest? Nono. Betty Sue!
Sumtin bout gettin out da ole redneck wear and seein dem daisy dukes on da pretty females. Makes me kinda horny, if ya know what I mean. Can you smell what da Rock is cookin!? You darn right! Smells like crack! And like ol’ moms in a trailer too. Where wuz I. Oh right. Crack. Dat remines me of G. I ain’t never voted for nun by George W. But these folk in Avila Beach had sum sign bout voted for G… So I dun. And it wuz good. And their was much rejoicin. Like the time my sister and I…. wait I ain’t s’posed to talk bout that. She say it make her all horny, and dat ain’ right. It wuz Thursday, or Friday… I ain’t never learned dem right anyhows. But der wuz beer. And sum ol’ friends getting gether round a fire. I’m getting head of myself. (hehe, I said head. Dat gets da sister horny too!) I shuld start from a beginnin. SLO Hash #66 – Hoooooooooo doggy! Dat wiley rabbit Itchy Scrotum and Hareless Snatch told all us dat we s’posed to meet down in Avila Beach… home to all those damn hippies and such. (Dey got dem nudists too…which I doan agree wit, but doan mine lookin at. Heh Heh Heh.) So weez all show up, in hour best flannel an such. Cept for dat newbie, Jus Jeff, wearin stripes like he sum kine of gay. I bout beat hiz azz, for bein a gay an all, but he wuz drinkin Keystone, which is my most favorite, so he kaint be all dat bad. Y’know? Anywaiz, we wuz drinkin, and hootin and hollerin at all da pretty females like Tracy, an Jennifer, and Krysten, oh and dat fine piece of ass, Rear Admirable. I put a hurtin on dat ass! Ya know, we wuz justa carryin on, like dem good ol boys. Never meanin no harm. Beat all you ever saw, we wuz in trouble in the law from the day we wuz born. Hot damn I luv that show. One time ol’ Gina Lynn an I were bout to rock the rock, heh heh heh, when dat show came on, and she wuz like hey Billy Ass-Tear, how cum you doan got a nice car like that, you plenty a redneck for it. And wuz like “Shut up bitch! You know I works hard, but the Piggly Wiggly already gots two managers!” And then she wuz… Wut? Oh yeah, the story. Uhhhhh…. Yeah, tainks, back to dem pretty little females… Anywho, we wuz all drinkin and carrying on likes I wuz sayin, when dose rascally wabbits took off. Well, jus Itchy really. Hareless was hurt, on ‘count of dat ram he tried to put it in. Dat fool crazy, I mean we all likes an ewe from time ‘ time, but dose ram’s asshole tighter than Dolly Parton’s face! Serves him right. Tryin to fuck a ram. Woulda been funny az hell if he got rammed in da nuts too. Anywho, Itchy takes off, start leavin his trail. Up hills, over a golf course, which wuz funny! Cop-U-Later dun bare her ass for sum rich boys on da tees! Dey about shit dey pants! Which doan make sense to me, when I see fine piece of ass like dat, da last ting I waan do is shit my pants. Dem rich woman mus be kinky if thats how dey like it. So we’z runnin up in da hills like always, tryin to catch dis Sunofabitch, wen we get to the firs beer check. Dis is when all y’all realize dat my virgin iz wearin NEW shoes. I dun tole him not to, but he dun it anyway. At lease dis time I got sum warnin, and I starts to thinking how I’ma gonna get outta this shoebeer. So we’ze keep running, like good ol hounds. Up lotza hills and such. By deeze big ol houses… dat guy First Period, being so kind an all, even fertilized one of der lawns for em. Der big dog just look at him funny, like he been put out of a job or sumthin. So get’s to this part, up a long hill, my legs burnin like my first time in prison, when we’ze gets to the top, and the sweet sunset, cascading from a brilliant blue zenith to a crimson horizon lit the evening sky’s first stars ablaze, reminding us of the timeless beauty that would one day be our home. Dat’s right you assholes, just cuz I’m a readneck doan mean I doan read da bible. I likes pretty wurds too! (Seriously, for those of you that weren’t there, it was breathtaking, and I am in Itchy Scrotum’s debt for showing me such a tremendous hike.) It wuz bout dat time that we gets to noticing how dark it is. Some of dem brainless rednecks dun forget der flashlights, so I starts laughin at em. First Period, tryin be all slick, triez cutting off trail, looking back to say he found a path, when he cums upon a deer. He’s lucky he didn’ get kicked in da nuts like Hareless, them deers waan you to cum inside, you know? But da deer run off after der exchange, and Period comes back all wile eyed and heartbroken. Maybe the deer took his viginity too? So we’ze runnin down da hill, laughin at da funny way Period is walkin, when we hear’s voices in the forest. Some of Odysseus’ sirens musta grown legs, cuz they was promisin us tortillas and guacamoal. I ain no Mehican, but I luv me some guacamoal. But we hearz our other buddies ahead, an I luv me some beer more dan guacamoal, so we keeps goin. So we didn catch da hare… but dats ok cuz he made us soe bombastic chilly. But first… da down-downs. I called in Jus Jeff for wearin a striped shirt like a gay. He took it down heartily, so now we KNOWZ all abouts him. Watch your A-holes boys. Jus Krysten got called in for wearin dem tiny shorts, which ain’ really a crime. We boyz just wanna see her closer, by the fire… heh Heh heh. Sheep-Fluffer wuz called in for bein useless. Again… I hear you cans find sum songs at SLOh3.com or sumtin. We got a terrible story bout G… who some crazy British mofo. Running through da jungle an shit… And we sposed to vote for him? You all crazy in da head. (Shut up sister, I doan have time right now!) Den my virgin, Aaron, named some fruitcake named Monte (who was just back from a sex vacation in Colorado. Dey got da best sheep up there.) So Monte had to drink for brining my virgin! Den, of course, as the mob is want to do, when dey call my virgin for wearin new shoes, you gotta dance with da one that brought ya! How dat shoebeer taste ol boy!? I bet no better dan Matzo’s spaghetti sauce…. Get it? Sacue? On a noodle? No, well you dummer than a one legged toad in an ass kickin contest. We did see some sweet woman ass too… been in my “happy” dreams for a week now. MMMM, soo pasty white, just like I like em. Dat’s bout it. Den we ate some chilli. It wuz spicy good! ( I fed sum to Sprinkle Princess dog, I bet dat dog had a fiery asshole for a week.!) Some cornbread like mom’s used to make when she was hittin da pipe. (taste a lot like biscuits, but you gotta lov da mom’s anyway.) So we laughed, and we sung a few songs. Had a darn hootin good time. The kind dat the devil, George W, would love. I swear when we wuz leavin, I could smell da sulphur. But maybe it was just my clutch… or the film burnin from Matzo takin a picture of his tiny nuts. So wankers! On On to the Virgin Lay of Cop-U-Later. This THURSDAY Thursday Thursday. We doan know WHERE Where where. May da hash get a piece of my sister, cuz it’s soo sweet. |
| SLOH3 Trash #66 |