| Asbestos in the Insanitarium
One had a bum knee. The other is just a bum. But our two virgin hares wanted to share their lack of experience anyway. Oh lamefoot! How you did suffer! Mistake! Starting the hash at your own house! We know where you live my darlings, and retribution for your sins is best served cold. Having no beer BEFORE the hash? WTF mate? Even the French, though they are “le tired”, know better than that. Many kudos to the SLO Hash. We gather in strength my friends, even without a “special” occasion. With leaps and bounds we grow, for each and every hash I’ve been to since my first has included at least one new virgin. Our recruiting efforts are strong, and soon enough we shall gather in sufficient numbers to overthrow the indomitable Church of Scientology! The battle has yet begun! My personal ambitions for world domination aside, as much as we love to talk about S-H-I-TTY T-R-A-I-Ls, this was anything but. It was unique, explored areas that I’ve never been to, multiple beer checks, good YBF’s, misleading yet expected. And the insanitarium. Atop the hill on Johnson, behind the probation department lays an abandoned brick building. Finding a beer check right underneath a spray painted warning of Asbestos would dissuade the average citizen. Of course, we could define average as not being a hasher. So we swilled beer, climbed to the roof of a condemned building containing known carcinogens looking for an entry, and in general reveled in our inappropriate behavior. Well at least that’s true for most of us. The bringers of the rear, in their delusional state from a difficult climb, “captured” the hare while he laid the trail away from the beer check. I know there no rules in hashing, but this seems akin to waiting at the “A” knowing that it’s an “A to A” run and snaring the hare as she finished the trail. Finger My Rat Hole, this judge passes the verdict of not guilty, and your shirt should be returned to you. Two extra Sharps beers for Matzo. Other than that, the trail was just a trail. It ended at the Frisbee Golf Course behind Shinsheimer pool, which you should never swim in after closing. They have cameras, and the police will kindly make you a reservation to meet a judge. To the Down Downs! It seems to me that the better a trail is laid, the more the hares have to drink for making it shitty. Finger My Rat Hole and Release the Pussy, especially the latter, got hammered. The group cry of “if one drinks they all drink!” resounded off of the neighboring train yard more often than Nancy Kerrigan’s cries of “Why! Why!?” I don’t know who Just Adam thinks he is, but it takes some gumption to have us sing along with In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle, the asshole sleeps tonight. Naming committee take note! Then some other new guy, started a joke, forgot the punch line, remembered it, fucked up the delivery a second time, and put Matzo to sleep. Narcolepsy isn’t funny children, either was the joke. Gag Order has become our official “G” introduction, by seeming default. The first 4 times we heard the story of G from her unbound mouth, it was funny. Though now that we know that he was just a drunk that liked to wander, I’m sure we all look forward to a new rendition next time…. All your base are belong to us. So the final tally of this wholly inadequate hash trash…. 0 Wankers took the Turkey trail off the Eagle-Turkey divide. Eat your asses SoBh3. 5 of 7 beers found at the jingle check. 0 of 2 hot runners that inquired WTF we were doing will ever come to our Hash, despite my least persuasive efforts. 1 long, hilly, bitch ass trail. 1 Hashit that was NOT passed on, though it carried one serving of clean urine, in case the bearer ever needs to pass a piss test? Even if that does happen, its just gross. And I’m pretty sure we all fucked up really, really, really bad by leaving it in Matzo’s hands for another two weeks. God doesn’t want to know what the next container will have in it. 2 coolers full of beer consumed. 1 sloppy down down circle with way too many beanies with horns on their heads. 2 new virgins. 47 hot Gilfs that failed to dissuade us from our mission. ..::Shudder::.. 3 Glass Firestones Beers that were reserved for the Hare…. ½ Group of sorry wankers that failed to listen to repeated blown whistles. 1 really drunk Release the Pussy at Spike’s molesting everything she could lay her hands on. 1 really nice caveman carry by me of the aforementioned molester. 1 good fucking time for everyone. And if you didn’t have a good time, we don’t want to hear about it. Get drunker, and see what happens. 1 awesome Mr. Chihuahua’s Wild Ride for picking up the tax deductible tab. 0 nipple sightings. That being said. I apologize for the extended delay in getting out this Hash Trash. It’s been a long, and not so good week. No excuses, the next one will be out “on time”. Thank you Matzo for kicking me in the ass to get it done. We’ll see you all this Thursday for Slug-Ho’s bike hash. Point of Origin yet to be announced. Good luck y’all at the MiniSkirt run. I, unfortunately, will not be attending. I wish you all the worst of times in my absence. And may the Hash go in peace. Fred Ass-Tear |