An air of excitement stirred in our loins.  SLO Hash had much to celebrate.  After 2 trying years, our congolmeration is gathering serious momentum.  Every week seems to bring new faces and better turnouts.  As a reward for his efforts, for indeed Matzo Balls has been key in keeping this thing moving, we allowed him to hare this milestone event. Despite the hellacious, poorly laid, and backasswards trail that was bound to ensue.  But we all knew that the only way that Matzo was ever going to get a good lay in was as a hare. 

And so we set the hare loose.  And while he fled we filled his car with empty beer cans, endowing a comparatively better odor to his car.  A rousing rendition of Abraham's Sons followed, and the Hash Hounds were set loose upon San Luis Obispo yet again. 

Only to find a YBF 200 yards from the start.  Back to the beginning!

We later found out that bastard of a man watched us run away, slipped behind us, and laid another trail from the start.  Clever little monkey gets what he deserved.

So On-On again!  Dr. Doolittle, the ubiquitous FRB, took up his usual position.  Led us to Tank Farm and to a check.  While he crossed the street (and found true trail) the rest of us wee bastards hung a right down Tank Farm, one of the busiest streets in San Luis.  Whether he intended it or not, the LONG YBF Matzo laid down Tank Farm worked beautifully, as Dr. Doolittle's whistles were drowned out by the speeding traffic.  So ironic that us being fucked twice is what screws Matzo next.

So with Dr. Dootlittle's incessant whistles and cat calls striking fear into Matzo's heart, he panicked while the rest of us trailed miserably after being duped twice. 

Matzo, being the clever little monkey, had doubled back across his trail.  Which we found, and followed.  Now WE were close.  Just Jenee I believe spotted him first, called him out, and I just ran that rat bastard down.  As I got closer, he saw me, and with furious pace laid a turtle check, which he finished roughly 3 yards before I snared him.  To his credit he really could have made a case for us having to wait, but he was a good sport and acknowledged his folly.

We then released him to finish the trail in shame we went back to do "the cool part"  which consisted of a run through the creek to a YBF of Sharps Non Alchoholic Beer that no one but the Mechanical Bull, Dr. Doolittle, and Just Allen finished (perhaps Slug-ho accompanied them, that follower.)  The rest of us, in true Matzo form, revolted, and went back to the beer after learning of the treacherous creek path.

So thats the trail.  While it was admittedly clever, all you young hashers out there should learn from Matzo's mistake.  Hasher's are stupid and easily defeated in a battle of wits.  But just like an winning an argument on the internet, being too clever will only make YOU look stupid in the end.  A life lesson.  And as was succintly noted "A blind seagull could have shat a trail better than that!"

Jad - When there's a pirate involved, you know its going to be a good night.

Mach Dick - to Matzo "So what are you going to do to my wife?"

Some items of note from the down-down circle.

As punishment for the beer check of Sharps, Matzo has one non-alchoholic, shitty tasting, brewing in someones trunk beer from the 12 pack for each coming hash.  24 weeks from now he'll finish them. 

Release the Pussy brought a dog.  Apparently she's expanding her horizons and releasing more than her pussy now. 

8 virgins showed up.  And I must second Matzo's claim that SLO hash has THE FINEST harriets.  Hot damn I love the SLO life.

Just Jenee and those fine ass-pants.  Her Joke: A lawyer, doctor, and a priest are on the tiatnic while its sinking.  The doctor says "Save the children!" To which the Lawyer in his apathy responds "Fuck the children."  On this the Priest perks up, seems excited and asks "Do I have time!?"  Brutal

Followed by a tweaked elbow.  I mean my god woman what else can you bend backwards?!

Just Molly sang some song about Oklahoma, where she is from, and where the penis never stops to roam?  You should visit out here more often Molly. 

Then, in all of its wonderous majesty, on the 50th run of the SLO H3, a most bountiful, shapely, and beautiful pair of breasts were revealed.  Matzo shot his load, and promplty resigned, having his life mission finally fullfilled. 

Just Angie - Another joke that fell well short of its mark.  "Two neutrons are sitting at a bar.  One of them loses an electron and begins to freak out.  He looks around and then tells the other to start looking as well.  The second Neutron asks "Is that it on the floor?" The first then says "No, I already looked, I'm positive...."
She's a bio major.  And she loves to shake her booty, so don't hold this joke against her.

Just Porchia - Something about dolphin sex?  I mean anal sex and Flipper?  You'll have to ask her what this was all about.

Rubber Allen - Didn't actually hash again.  But he showed up and had a beer with us after his basketball game.  He didn't play as well as last time.  5 points, 4 rebounds, 3 rejections, 5 turnovers, and a bruised ego.  We look forward to his ineptitude next time.

Two namings.  Just Allen is henceforth known as BrokeBackCheck, in recognition of the terrible YBF that I laid with him last week.  How nice that he gets wankered for my mistake.  I love hashers.

Just Eric will be known as Sprinkle Princess, for his fapparent phobia of being wet.  Does your wife know you shy away from wet places like that?  How did you manage to have kids?!

Gag Order graced us with her oral presence, vocal as always.  The pictures say it all.

And in a moment of seeming marital bliss, Matzo and I communed in the passing of the Hashit.  We both drank from the fountain of filth, and hated every drop.

With that being said.

May the Hash go in Peace

Fred Ass-Tear
SLOH3 HASH #50   03/16/2006