| You loved it last time, and you came back for more. The SLO Hash, it Grows. It expands. It is, as our women say, bigger than we expected.
Roughly 25 hashers show up, for of all things, 2 virgin lays in a row. Many a drunk man might ponder.... what are the virgins doing that the old folks weren't? And I, in my drunk stupor did ponder. The answer..... I'm not sure yet, give me another beer. Just Jad and just Jason teamed up to form the ambigously gay duo. A whole lot of YBF without much satisfaction... We gathered around our beers in Pismo, at the site of something entirely unique to the Central Coast: a nuclear pink sunset. How fitting that the duo would lead the charge. From the cliffs, down the town, screaming and running in front of moving cars while we scare the tourists brave enough to come out at night. Then, these guys, who do these guys think they are? Up to Pismo Heights? Didn't they learn from last hash that we are lazy, foul people. And you run us up one of the biggest hills in the county. Surely, we all had in mind our sweet revenge. To their credit, the YBF on top of the hill did hold beer for us halfway down. How wise of these young virgins to placate the masses at the peak of our aggressive, vengeful tide. Satiated with the drink of our forefathers, we set out to catch that little shit Jad. Back down the very hill we ran up (how convenient, next time Matzo and I wait at the bottom for you ratbastards,) back through town, under bridge, by fancy restaurant while we blew our whistles particularly loud. Then, to the best YBF I've ever experienced. At the last beer check (which were conveniently numerous,) Just Jason with the broken toe, presented us with scene straight outta Monty Python. "You must choose. ONE! You may drink of this beer, after you must leave onto the trail of the damned, the cowardly, and the long winded. TWO! You may drink of this cheap fire water, and after the cowards have left, I will disclose to you the path of the smart, the short, and the lazy. NOW! You must choose or perish in the flames of my bowels" (Ok, i made up the bowel part, but I swear Jason was smelling raunchy.) The group chose, and true to his word, those fearful of the fire water were sent away first while the rest of us revelled in our newfound drunkeness and glory. Then, as we gathered what remained of our wits, Jason calmly points us on our way. As we laughed out loud while he points, our path started only 35 ft behind us, in the opposite direction of the long winded. To our suprise and dismay, our path starts with a VERY LARGE YBF. There was no short cut. And while this dawns on all of us, that we had just dranken some nasty whiskey to no advantage, and that we had truly been duped. But they must be VIRGINS! For the do not learn! My young friends, do you not remember the lesson of my hash? The group is a force unto itself. No official shortcut. So we shall make our own. So with a wave and smile, we brave going offtrail, (not really, we knew it was an A to A trail, and we had already started by the beach.) Easiest shortcut I ever had. So we took his beer, we drank the whiskey, and we fucked him right back. And though Just Tracy talks a mean game, none of us got the foretold blowjobs under the pier. While we waited for this schmucks to finish the newly made false trail (for we live in a Democracy, and the majority makes things official.) We drank and waited. And waited. And waited. Then we got tired of waiting and drank some more. And also waited. We'd still be waiting if they hadn't cut back just like we had after giving up. So the down down's commence. Here's the tally Two hot virgins bear their.... stomachs? Are you serious? I thought the body parts weren't allowed to be jokes? Just Derrick tries to tell the same joke we heard last hash, and is immediately shut down. No breasts for Matzo. Just Jason is the new Hashit. Not very big shoes to fill jason, so no worries about your mate. Just Tracy again doesn't live up to the talk. How can we expect quality oral service when you can't take down a beer? Maybe you should get the Mechanical Bull to show you how, he's taught virgins before. Even though most of us got both whiskey and laid from Jason and Jad. Both were shitty experiences. Just Allen is making quite a name for himself with his prolific amount of sex on trail. 3 times in one Hash. My god man isn't it sore? After much carousing, Just Logan is no longer a mere amateur. From thence forth he shall be "Finger my Rathole." May his love of rats and fingering of boards preceed him everywhere. Next on the Agenda, our local SLO Hash 2nd Analversery. The red dress run will be hared by Super Ass Crotch. Our Heir Premier Matzo Balls will be releasing more information shortly. May the Hash go in Peace. Fred Ass-Tear |
 |